Please post in a conspicuous place everywhere appropriate for your guests and/or kitchen helpers to see this holiday season. There are 2 VERSIONS of this Holiday Guest Decree- version 1 is uncensored and version 2 is polite. You may even request guests sign in before entering your home. If you don’t you might be calling us for drain and sewer cleaning when you’d rather be napping on the couch:
VERSION 1: Holiday Guest Decree – Uncensored
- I will NOT put potato peels, sweet or otherwise into the garbage disposal. Furthermore, I will not put carrot peels, green beans, yams, rutabagas, lettuce, celery or any other vegetable in the sink drains.
- Repeat: “I will use the trash can. I will use the trash can. I will use the trash can.” This is your new mantra.
- I will NOT put grease, cooled or hot, down the drain. Furthermore, I will not put fat trimmed from meat, skins of poultry, nor organs or any other tough, chewy, stringy or otherwise disgusting thing into the disposal.
- Repeat your new mantra again.
- I will NOT flush anything that did not go through my digestive system within the last 24 hours. This includes: massive amounts of toilet paper, feminine products whether new or used, any meats or vegetables as listed above, toys of any kind, cellphones (remove them from pockets BEFORE sitting), glasses, dentures, jewelry, travel sized bottles of anything, including shooters of your favorite holiday vodka.
- Repeat your new mantra 3 times.
- Enjoy your stay at my Plumbing Health Conscious Home!
VERSION 2: Holiday Guest Decree – Polite
- Thou shalt not use the garbage disposal for any purpose whatsoever. Thou shalt use the trash can for ALL scraps & leftovers, whether created during preparation of the holiday feast or in excess of. This includeth all the grains that growth on the land, whether fruit, vegetable or grain. Furthermore it includeth all animals that live on land, all the creatures living in the water of the seas and the streams that have fins and scales. These are the regulations concerning animals, birds, every living thing that moves about in the water and every creature that moves along the ground, and even the ground and its bounty. And tofu. Anything anyone would have on a plate or cutting board at anytime, thou shalt put in the trash.
- Thou shalt not use the lavatory drains for any purpose other than natural bodily process and a discreet amount of cleansing tissue. Foreign objects of any and all type, thou shalt not allow to contaminate the drainage system.
- As for me and my house, we will use the trash cans!
Follow these rules and your need for sewer service in Denver will be much less likely. And when it is needed, give us a call!
